Hog Rock Announces
The Year of the Bitty
As assholes congregated from around the world at the Asshole Advisory Council meeting in Myrtle Beach, Larry “Big Bitty” Bittner self proclaimed this to be “The Year of the Bitty”.
Self Proclaimed Award
Bitty made the announcement at the opening night ceremonies. “Too many other assholes are getting too much attention. I feel like the Rodney Dangerfield of assholes. I don’t get no respect! I may not be a big-name asshole like The Chairman or Booze, but I have been one big asshole for a hell of a long time. I need to do this to break from the pack. It’s the only way I can get some respect.”
Big-Name Assholes Get Respect No Respect
When asked what responsibilities come with “The Year of the Bitty”, Bitty had a complete action plan prepared. First, I am going to get myself a crown and cape. I want the Miss America treatment.”
“Second, I want every hog to line up and kiss the ring around my fat smelly ass. I am tired of having to kiss The Chairman’s ass every year. I want him to be first in line, right after I take a dump!”
Chairman Can Kiss His Ass First
Third, I will need a Bittymobile. I am thinking of a big air conditioned golf cart. You know, something like the Pope drives around in. It will need a small fridge to hold some beer, flat screen TV, couch and a toilet. Nothing fancy. Just something comfortable for me and a few invited guests. Maybe throw in a hot tub.
Bittymobile – Hot Tub Optional
“This is part of my multi-pronged, self-promotion advertising campaign. I finally convinced Zip that Hog Rock needed to add a little porn. Zip always considered his web page to be family oriented and initially baulked at the idea. I told him he was a bigger fool than he was an asshole. After some soul searching, I got him to realize that the future of the internet lies in porn. He needs to put some tits on that Hog Rock hog.
Hog Rock Hog Needs Tits
I told him Hog Rock would end up in the dust bin of history along with the Soviet Union if he didn’t get on board. He agreed, so last week we kicked off a joint venture called Bitty’s Celebrity Titties.
Bitty's Celebrity Titties
I have more stuff in the works. I have a deal working with getting my own celebrity Gold Card, Bitty’s Golden Titties. It could be used in any titty bar in the country.
Bitty’s Gold Card
Bitty’s Kiddies will be my out reach program to young kids who want to grow up and be assholes. Most of the assholes I know are getting old and slowing down. We need an asshole youth movement, and I want to be a mentor to the future assholes of this world.
Bitty’s Kiddies – Assholes for Future Generations
Others hogs were not so impressed with Bitty’s initiatives. Dennis “Fat & Sassy” James was first. This is laughable. Bitty couldn’t carry my Preparation H. He’s got a big mouth, but he has nothing to back it up. The man is a fraud.
Couldn’t Carry Assholes Never Leave Home Without It
His Preparation H
Macos was furious. The Year of the Bitty? Give me a fuckin’ break. What has Bitty ever accomplished in his life other than suck up the air that us real assholes need. That man isn’t fit to be one of my bitches.
Not Fit To Be One Of Macos’ Bitches
What’s next, The Year of the Dick? Dick’s Pricks?
Year of the Dick? Dick’s Pricks
This is like highway robbery. Shit, these Beaver assholes think they can just waltz right in and grab themselves a whole year dedicated to themselves. I’d sooner have The Year of the Jammer. It least he admits he’s a thief.
The Year of the Jammer?
Hog Rock’s CEO Zip defended the move. All I care about is the number of hits on my website. I knew this Year of the Bitty thing would be controversial. In my business, controversy = web hits, period. Besides, I have been itching to use my extensive library of celebrity tits for years. Now I finally have a vehicle to showcase my collection.
Extensive Porn Library
As for Bitty, I know he’s just a flash in the pan. If anybody wants to give me $5 bucks, the next day I can have the web page announcing the Year of the (Fill in your name). I would flush Bitty down the drain quicker than a corn turd. Nothing personal Bitty, it's just business.
No Better Than a Corn Turd?