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Dear Webmaster Zip: What can I say. Extraordinary fact-based reporting from one of our rising stars.
Actually I was surprised to find that my ass had not been kicked since the following morning I could have sworn someone had stepped on my tongue. This is why it is good to get responsible third party reports such as Dave's so that sense can be made of the aftermath of the senseless. By the way, I believe I may have been more in control had I the Sands supplied some finger food to off-set my alcohol content.
In any event I stand by the statement I made
in my extraordinarily lucid moment. (Appearances aside.) So
all you hogs, when your drives are more errant than your aim
when taking a piss at 4 AM, when your seven-iron shots
travel in angles so oblique they defy Pythagorean
calculation, when your sand irons would be better used by a
castle-building 7-year old on a beach and your putts fall
shorter than your pathetic mid-life dicks I have only this
to say. Boo Fucking Hoo!
Not being missed in Paoli,
Dick
Question:
7
Answer:
-Half
of a Hogs dozen.
-Vanna White's age in dog years.
-Number of legal clubs in Eddie's golf bag.
-Over/under on F. Lee's whining about not using his shot in
the scramble.
-All the above
With my less than parochial education, my lowly posture as a
career civil servant, and my less than private, yet somehow
completed, state college participation, I am still able to
determine that the upcoming event appears to be dominated by
an incredible amount of BS and my nauseam threshold has been
breached! Further, as Eddie M was my partner in our victory,
(though I am not sure in what manner other than this effort
he contributed and my back still pains) I fully support his
position. However, with a change in partner in future manly
arts competitions I may be subject to a change in my
PHILosophy. The Ex - Fed
Perhaps my ball found resting perfectly perched on a tuft of sweet nutgrass was an apparition of sorts... Yea... That's it! Placed there by an Angel... For the 'Anointed One' to play through...
I will cancel my trip to see the BVM @ Fatima and join you
all for the "Miracle in Mrytle"
Mr. Wunderlich,
Your insights into the behaviors of Mr. Money sounds
strikingly familiar to those who have witnessed his antics.
Clearly you are trying to be kind by describing this dung
beetle of the human race as "Scruffy". Most of those who
know Mr. Money have accepted him for what he is, a lying &
cheating golf whore. I have personally come to believe I
will see Jesus before I ever see Mr. Money play an honest
round of golf. He is laughly called the Mother Teresa of
the Links for the many miriacles he has performed with his
golf shots. We are all waiting for the Pope to annonce he
is soon to be canonized. It never ceases to amaze those who
have played with him how he can drive a ball 100 yards into
a swamp and have it "perfectly perched on a tuft of sweet
nutgrass...inplay and with an opening to the green".
Perhaps you might come to Myrtle Beach to witness another
one of his many miracles.
Gentleman,
I just happened upon your email stream. As it is in the
public domain since the patriot Act. I own a home on
the seventh hole at Brooksville Country Club. I just
wanted to tell you about an incident last Sunday
morning. About ten in the morning I heard aloud
discussion between 3 good looking gentleman and one
scruffy, round fellow calling himself "Ed". There was
an argument about the location of the 3 or 4 provisional
tee shots he made. He claimed his original tee shot on
this hole was akin to the fatal Kennedy shot in the
Zapruder film. His ballooned and blocked out ball
traveled due Northeast over the Texas Book
depository, deflecting North off my chimney...stopping
in mid-air...then taking a left turn over a grassy knoll
..going through the wrist of my cousin "Connelly"...and
then rolling under the canopy of 12 majestic oaks...to
be perfectly perched on a tuft of sweet nutgrass...inplay
and with an opening to the green.
I have lived on this property since 1948...and never has
my house been struct in such a fashion.
Just thought you should know that "Eddie Whiney" has a
point.
Signed a concerned citizen.
I think we should schedule a cage match with Macos... He's all yap and no bite! Money
Ed,
Don't listen to these hurtful people.
I'm a little surprised you told someone about the
elevator but now that its out there's nothing we can
do.
Don't forget to bring the new teddie you told me about
and of course plenty of money.
I'm a little sad you didn't want to play with me (no pun
here) but since I can't get my new walker configured to
allow hitting full shots I will not be an "A" either.
The new blood pressure/heart/pancreas/liver/ and
hypertension medication has settled in and now I'm awake
(conscious) for up to 10 hours a day.
Richard T. Larkins
That's it! I can't take anymore of your hideous whining.
Your new nickname is Eddie Bullshit. You just did something
that only Bitty had been capable of, breaking the bullshit
meter. What has come over you? Are you starting to pee
your pants worrying about Larkin's return? We all know that
you have always been his "Bitch" on the golf course and in
the elevator. Who cares that you have to play a few rounds
of Butt Bingo with your golfing nemesis. Embrace your new
diverse life style, bring an extra jar of Vaseline and move
on with your life! Your are starting to sound like Shane,
The Whine King.
Macos
Eddie's clubs would rather be in a tree than in his bag.
I just want everyone to know that I've not been playing well... I'm hitting the illegal driver, and his new illegal 3-fucker partner all over the map...
I never could putt... and it should therefore be known among all
Hogs that I relinquish any and all rights and/or associationas
with ever being a team captain again.... (Shane is a real
captain!)
I'm a solid C player, and on occasion, but only on a dry day,
when the wind is at my back, and my grips are not worn, then
just maybe a B-player...
The Eddie Money of old, now 50, and I've fallen further than
David Duval off the money list.
The only good news to report is that Jimmy C - Out of poor
charity - has agreed to take me on his team while I'm in rehab.
My only request is that you all write and thank Jimmy C for:
A)Not jumping on the "Slam Money" bandwagon... and, B) For
giving me a helping hand and turning off my "I've fallen and
can't get up" alarm!
My Captain, My Captain - Jimmy C
Regards,
Money
There is of course another side to this story. Let’s bring up briefly if we may the subject of whining. Have I heard recently “2 and 2, 2 and 2, 2 and 2…..”? But I could be mistaken here. That could actually be categorized as begging. It seems like I’m being attacked on the golf course with friends and Myrtle colleagues delivering the message in the absence of the professor himself. I half expect a Harry Potter trick and have an owl drop a message on my golf cart in the middle of the afternoon reading “2 and 2, 2 and2…”. Ok, lets try “4 and 4, 4 and 4, 4 and 4….”. Wait! That’s begging too.
Ok, I’m whining.
Shane |
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