Dear Webmeister,

As an eyewitness (deja vu all over again) to the events at the Fat & Sassy Scramble I can attested that there were mistakes,
there was honesty and there was an overriding O.J. factor.

Overriding O.J. Factor

Among my mistakes as Captain of the dark horse team of the Chairman, Eggy and the Rookie:

Dark Horse Team

1) Assuming The Chairman could get in 3 drives. What the Hell was I thinking for 17 holes?

2) Not taking one of the earlier pond balls, OB, grounder, shank, hook or popup by the Chairman.

3) Asking too much for a Mulligan on 18 when the Chairman needed a 3rd drive. Who knew he couldn't afford $1?

4) Asking Eggy's advise for a ruling: "What would Areno do?"

Areno Rules In Effect?

5) But the biggest, most surprising mistake was assuming that the Chairman was as dishonest as the rest of the Hogs. What would Jammer do in this situation? Not tell the damn truth, that's for sure!

A Liar & A Cheater

"I feel bad, I can't lie, that's not the right thing to do" quoth the Chairman. I was at a loss for words. How do I explain the difference between lying and cheating so that no matter which you choose you still win? (Jammer Book 1, Verse 1)

Lynching Honest Abe Anzio

With the unruly crowd ready to lynch Honest Abe Anzio, he put on a brilliant defense coordinated by his snot-nose brother.

Snot-Nose Glove Defense

Sure enough, the golf glove refused to slip over his meaty paw prompting an immediate response from the lynch mob that had gathered - IF THE GLOVE DON'T FIT- YOU MUST ACQUIT.  Johnny Cochrane and F. Lee Saltzman were smiling somewhere.

 
If The Glove Didn't Fit, You Must Acquit, Even If The Client Is A Piece of Shit

Concerning all matters relating to the Chairman collecting on side bets that were based on our team being 2 under, I plead the 5th. 

Controversial Scorecard

We were -2 going into 18. The Chairman put his required 3rd drive in the pond and followed up with a blast of at least 60-70 yards. So we are laying either -1 or -3 depending on presence of a conscience. I cut the corner with a driver, leaving the Rookie a beautiful wedge and short putt to finish. So we were either -1 or -3, but there was no way we were -2. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Captain Bolts