Myrtle Beach, Sunday, September 28, 2003

Chairman Makes Amends by Sacrificing His Boyhood Friends Savings Accounts
Zip Clips Danny Z

Once the great Cheating Vs. Lying controversy was put to bed, Chairman Tom (One Mulligan Ain't Enough) Anzio saw fit to put together a tournament format that he hoped would knit the severe wound that he and his dishonored mates had created during Saturday's debacle.

One Mulligan Ain't Enough

This tournament involved pitting the Philadelphian's against the Non-Philadelphian's in what can only be described as a sludge match. Basically it was a contest of which group of hung over crappy golfers could out golf the other group of hung over crappy golfers.

After an evening of inane negotiations over the number of strokes one group of hackers should allow the other that ultimately resulted in way too much Captain Morgan, beer, vodka, and to Booze' chagrin, gin being consumed, the contest was met.

Booze's Chagrin - Gin

Once these two great armies of ineptitude were joined at the once beautifully-manicured Caledonia golf links, the question of who owns whom was settled.  There were Epic battles: Doodle versus Denny Anzio, Zip versus Danny Z, Charlie (the now reformed) Bolton vs. Mr.Golf.

Epic Battle

When it was over, Danny Z who gave Zip 36 strokes found out just how drunk he had been the night before. Zip despite nursing a sizable squash of his own, used a combination of pure luck and Danny Z's hangover to sculpt out a major victory.  He handled his well worn, mallets, (it is really tough to call them golf clubs), with the aplomb of a lifetime singles hitter and brought the Z man to his knees.

Zip Clips Danny Z

Bolts fought Mr. Golf to a stand off and Doodle, in true HOG fashion, not only kicked a cripple's ass, but then proceeded to gloat over it.  It must be noted that Denny, a shadow of his former golf self, was suffering the after effects of a severe ankle injury that he incurred falling off the wagon on the mean streets of Pittsburgh.  Had it not been for that, Doodle would have won walking away versus the runaway that Doodle's unconventional and fortunately uncopyable swing created.

Mr. Courageous

At the end of the match the weary combatants settled into the bar at the Caledonia where the Pittsburgh crew was forced to pay the Philly crowd homage, not to mention cold hard cash that came directly out of the college funds of many a Pittsburgh youngster.

Caledonia - Scene of Another Pittsburgh Loss

A resounding victory for the wonders of alcohol abuse and a little tale to tell the grandkids.


R. DeCoux, Reporter Extraordinaire.


Well, that is all the news fit to print.  For those of you who did not make the trip, count your blessings.

Sincerely,

Dick, give it a lick, DeCoux