White Owl Gate

Dear Webmaster,

My sources have informed me that, without question, the written denials of both Eggie and Areno are forgeries.

Alleges Forgery

Indeed the wetback and the wetbutt had nothing to do with their composition. They were blatant fakes composed by that licentious Lucifer Macos and sadly, by my own dear brother Zip. I fear the pervasive evil influence of the Antichrist has at last corrupted my lifelong role model. These two conservative McCarthyites repeatedly lambaste our great leader, the modern day Jefferson, Bill Clinton for his duplicity and lack of moral fiber. Their propagation of this criminal plagiaristic conspiracy sinks hypocrisy to depths that can only be achieved by Republicans.

  
   Wetback?                       Wetbutt?

How are we to know if other Hogrock Cafe publications are also bogus. Were they written by the stated authors or by these two flimflammers? Veracity lives, rest assured, in any and all writings by yours truly. The idea that these two troglodytes could pass off their witless drivel for my brilliant satire is ludicrous. Can the Dogs Playing Billiards be substituted for the Mona Lisa? The velvet Elvis for a Van Gogh? The letters from Doogie are thus all you can trust on Hogrock.

  
Two Troglodyte Flimflammers

Even the Antichrist appears to be correct on two counts. Why, you ask, have we not received legitimate denials from Eggie and Areno? The answer is all too obvious.

Eggie really has been dipped with the tar brush. He spends his days sitting in front of a bodega snapping beans and attempting full sentences. 

Areno, we must assume, really does "putt from the rough".  Bethanne's bodacious bra busters would cause his giggle stick to shrivel up like a bug on a frying pan.

Macos’ slanderous suggestions that I am a quack have been dealt with and summarily dismissed in my previous publications. They deserve no further comment.

We must all give thanks to Bethanne who actually wrote some of her own material and backed it up with real pectoral pudding. Indeed my Pulitzer worthy prose and Bethanne's ornate oven stuffers are the only truth on this forever sullied website.

Real Pectoral Pudding

We still have yet to hear from Sly, the worthless weenied millionaire.

I am still awaiting a ruling on my appeal of a hand count of the nippled chads.

Who will rule on White Owl Gate?

That is all

Doogie


Webmaster replies:  We are outraged that www.hogrockcafe.com is accused of misrepresenting who wrote the Cheggs and White Owl responses.  The next thing you know, they’ll be saying that Ask Artie isn’t written by Artie.

In truth, we must admit that Doogie’s accusations are essentially correct.  We certainly would have preferred to publish responses from Eggy and Areno, but having received none, we took responsibility to defend their honor.  If either of these two submit their own response, we will certainly publish it.

Concerning Bethanne, Hog Rock Productions would like to thank her for contributing her response to obviously false breast insults, and for contributing to the success of the recent Hooters Christmas hogger with her outstanding performance.  As Chief Justice of the High Hog Court, I recuse the request for Recounting the Nippled Chads to Bethanne who has full authority to grant or deny Doogie’s request.