Dear Webmaster,

 

Whiling away my golden years here at the Sunny Bunny Rabbit Rest, like John Paul II, I often turn to Hogrock for diversion. Yes, rabbits are Catholic, a fact that explains our outrageous birthrate. Imagine my horror when Doogie revealed that Elmer Fudd was actually Elmer Fudge.

Elmer Fudge

Time after time I escaped headfirst into my burrow, exposing my bunnybum to that sicko.

Elmer's Bunnybum

Instead of murder Mr. Fudd had a far more sinister intent. He wanted to ram his Peter up my Cottontail.

Cottontail Rammer

Perhaps he intended to perform that even more hideous gay act, Boscolingus!

Boscolingus

I assure you that I am all man, and have had more than my share of Pubic Hare. I am no Backdoor Bunny, no Truth or Dare Hare, no Rabbit with a Brown Habit.

No Brown Habit

What will I find out next? Did that lisping Daffy Duck fill his Bill with One-Eyed Dill?

One-Eyed Dill Bill Filler?

Was Marvin an Anal Alien?

    Anal Alien?

Was Porky Pig really Porkee Pig. Was he a fa-a-fa-a-fa-a-faa Fagot?

Fa-a-fa-a-fa-a-faa Fagot?

 

Adding insult to injury, Hogrock has compared me to one of the odious Kennedy clan! The fact that Robert Kennedy was Marilyn Monroe's Big White Sausage Man is impressive to any heterosexual. Unfortunately, he looks far more like a rat than a rabbit, and as a politician he was as slippery as the center pole at a titty bar.

Slippery as the Center Pole at a Titty Bar
 

I would only ask Hogrock to allow me to spend my last days in peace, drinking strained carrots and not worrying about the characters of my past.

 

That's All Folks
 

Bugs Bunny