THINGS SOME HOGS
WILL NEVER SAY
by Booze, Jammer & Areno - Feb. 2001
Flea: "No thanks, I've
had enough to eat."
McDade: "Can I borrow your comb?"
Booze: "Man, it's a
great feeling to be Hog of the Year."
"I know I testified the opposite way last week, but that was a different
client."
Dirt: "The price of
tickets for Opening Day this year will be lower."
Fukner: "Wow, what a
great party, and I didn't break anything."
Benny: "
"
Jammer: "I'm sorry that
I stole The Belt."
"Let's save tonight's leftovers for tomorrow."
F. Lee Saltzman: "Your Honor, my client is guilty as hell."
"Sorry, I can't defend you, you're lying."
"Sorry, I can't help you, that would be unscrupulous."
Dale Jones: "Man, this
Jenny Craig diet is great."
Rock: "I
wish I could get a real 9 to 5 job."
Doogie/Doc Quack: "Let's give
this poor, homeless person free medical care."
"I would never write that. It's self-serving."
Zip: "Miss, your
breasts are showing. Please button
up your blouse."
"No thanks; I've had too many already."
"You better save that last joint for another day."
Sly: "I am not an
asshole, its just that I attract assholes.
In fact, if assholes
were airplanes, I'd be a freakin' airport."
Macos: "I can't print that, it might embarrass him."
"Since it will help the softball team win, I'll take a walk."
Kat: "I wouldn't consider it, I'm a married man."
Rico: "I'm sorry miss, you can't work here until you're 18."
"I didn't know they were illegal aliens. I only have their best interests
in mind."
Marty: "Sorry, I can't eat that, I'm Jewish."
"Blackholes, Wormholes, A-holes there's really no difference."
Areno: "Sorry, we're all out of White Owls. How about a
Cohiba?"
Pink: "I'll meet you for a few beers, but I'll be the last one
to arrive."
Eggs: "That's out of bounds. I'll take a penalty stoke and
distance."
Pung: "Sure it's outdated design and shoddy craftsmanship,
but I never have repeat customers to
worry about."
Wendel: "Shut up Camille, I said I'm going out with the
guys tonight and that's final."
Mik: "Sorry, Jammer can't play golf today, he's fixing the
roof."
Pidge: "Booze will never come out of the closet."
Judy: "You must be mistaken, my Tom would never do that."
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