Dear Doogie,

 

I haven’t been this embarrassed since the day that prick Ken Starr found my White House White Sauce on Monica’s size 16 dress.

 

Prick

 

This is worse than when I got nabbed Jizin Jennifer Flowers or when I was caught with Willie’s Willie in Kathleen Willie.

 

Willie's Willie Targets

 

I can’t believe I signed up for Tsunami relief. I thought it was Salami Relief! Lord knows that Big Ed and the Twins could use some relief. Now I got to hang with friggin' Mr. Rogers himself, W. Senior.

 

Mr. Rogers Himself

 

I would prefer impeachment hearings to spending time with that weenie. This could be an opportunity for some exotic strange, however. I sort of like those Indonesian broads but the Hairy Hogs of Hyderabad shrivel me up like a Sri Lankin beach. Oh well, as we say in my Sex Addicts Anonymous group: One Lay at a Time.

 

I have been asked if I want to see Hillary become the first woman (more or less) President.  I say Hell Yes!  Why with her raising taxes, squelching tort reform, selling out to the French and Germans, undercutting the Israelis, sucking out the brains of partially born babies, feeding Dan Rather bogus scandals, undoing the vestigial Iraqi democracy and championing lesbian issues, she will have no time to watch my ass. She will be busier than a cat covering shit.

 

Cat Covering Shit

 

I will become an ambassador and get me some Dicomatic immunity, and see if I can blow out my bypass. Things are looking up for old Willie. I know I am not as handsome as my Presidential days when I used my White House Trouser Mouse on a daily basis. When a lawyer uses Viagra he normally gets taller. For some reason it makes my nose grow like a George Bush deficit.

 

Viagra Nose

 

No matter, when Hillary becomes president, the First Husband plans to have more pussy on his face than Siegfried's partner Roy.

 

More Pussy on His Face Than Roy

 

In the meantime, I'm stuck with Mr. Rogers and this Tsunami gig.  I could have sworn it was Salami relief.

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