Quack?-Doogie

Subj:	Quack or World Famous Healer
Date:	11/8/00 10:22:39 AM Central Standard Time
From: sompa621@ComCAT.COM (Dan Sommers - World Famous Healer) To: TomSommers@aol.com (Webmaster Zip)

An Open Letter To All Hogs

Quack or World Famous Healer?

In a recent Hogrock Cafe website publication, Macos glibly referred to me as a Quack. I know what you are thinking, why would a famous healer such as yourself care about the intemperate ravings of a low level cirrhotic PECO maintenance man? Principle my friends, principle. Some defense of my name is in order.

As you know, in twenty years I have never lost a patient. I have been Pennsylvania doctor of the year seven times (a modern record). Here are some actual statements about my astonishing abilities.

	I would rather lose the Pirates and the Phillies than Doctor Sommers. He could cure a rainy day. Tom Ridge
	He can tell more from a rectal exam than most doctors can tell from a CAT scan. Steve (Areno) Centrella (see below)
	He cured my syphilis! Ted Fitzer
	He fixed that nasty rash I had! Yvonne Fitzer
	I was dying of anorexia until I met him. John Jammer Mathas
	I is no hawk but since I am saw Dr. Sommers, I can tell I am black. Stevie Wonder
	I still can't walk. Christopher Reeve
	He sucks as a Catholic, but the little fellow is one hell of a doctor. Pope John Paul II
	Bob Dole was impotent before I met this fine doctor. It was like sticking pasta in a parking meter. Bob Dole is now sporting wood. Bob Dole
	With a few more like him there would be no health care crisis. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Modesty forces me to stop. There is a much deeper problem here than a little slander. I speak of treason! That back-stabbing gerbil Macos has asked me to turn my rapier wit on you innocent bystander hogs. He saw that his silly potty humor was no match against my withering logic and offered up all of you as a sacrifice. Here is a copy of the actual E-mail he sent me in which he turns against all his "friends". He also can't spell to.

Dear Doc Quack,
Got a copy of your attached. The goal here is too bring other players into the controversy while slamming the regulars. See if you can find some unkind words for Booze, Pung, Dirt and Otto. As always feel free to make up whatever facts or history suits your agenda. I naturally expect the full brunt of your attack and welcome the controversy it will create.

Insultingly yours,
Macos

Benedict Arnold

The text of the letter speaks for itself. A perfidious Quisling you say. He makes Benedict Arnold seem like a loyal family pet you say. Not to worry, I would never stoop to his treasonous level. I would never suggest any of the following:

	Macos would have me "out" Steve (Areno) Centrella. A single older man, with effeminate speech patterns who cooks for a living. A smoker of White Owls?
	Macos would have me play the race card on Eggie. He would imply that the big fellow has been dipped with the tar brush or worse, that he is a Frito Bandito.
	Macos would have me lampoon Booze and Pidge for their kinky S and M life style, complete with whips, chains and Great Danes. I say if she can get a strap around his big ass, so be it.
	Macos would suggest I reveal Sly's impotence. Ten million can't buy a woody, but it's not my business.
	Macos would have me break the sacred law of confidentiality, and state that Bethanne's pert milk duds are implants. It is true that before the surgery they resembled fried eggs on hooks but that is her affair.

White Owl Smoker Frito Bandito Impotent Implants? Or the Real Thing

I ask all Hogs, is it not time we silenced Macos?

Respectfully yours,

Doogie

Webmaster comments:

Areno may be smoking White Owls, Eggy may be related to Frito Bandito, Sly may be impotent, but all my extensive data suggests that Bethanne's bountiful breasts are real.

Macos "Quack" Letter