Webmaster,

I initially intended to ignore Bill Schleyer's babbling, but upon further review I feel I must respond to the limp-dick mooseporker.  First of all, "Great Conception Error"!  Man that's funny stuff.  The best part of me going down the leg line dates back to the early seventies. It would seem evident that originality is not the Pasta Peckered Plutocrat’s long suit.

Those of us who have known the little turd for years are all asking the same question.  How did this colossal asshole become a multimillionaire, living in an opulent New Hampshire mansion, sitting on multiple corporate boards?  And now he now thumbs his nose at his former friends, the Hogs.  Pursuant to this conundrum, I have interviewed some of his former girl "friends" from that mediocre university in a polluted city which he attended.

Ex girlfriend and current lesbian Pam (last name withheld at her request):

Can't Believe Sly
Is Not In Jail

"I can't believe the little shit is not in jail, let alone a success.  He started me on my career as a bassmaster.  I much rather feast on the yeast than try to get him to sport wood.  I bet the cold air in New Hampshire ain't made him any stiffer.  Mary can have him".

Mary, You Can Have Him!

Wife of Dan Malcolm (name withheld at her request):

That little prick took years off my life by convincing me that Dan was a deadman.  That terror caused me to develop obsessive compulsive disorder, and I have not left the house in 25 years.  If I ever do get the courage to go out, my first trip will be to New Hampshire where I will slap the crap out of that little dickhead.  Mary can have him".

Thought Husband Dan Malcolm
Was A Deadman Because of Sly

I would thus conclude that his college days at that mediocre university provide no adumbration of his later success.  He then went to Harvard and received his MBA.  The significance of this is questionable when one takes in to account that another dim-witted, ex-drunk, George W. Bush also "accomplished" this feat.

Another Dim-Witted, Ex-Drunk From Harvard

He then destroyed Continental Cable but saved his own hide by selling the company to the Japanese.  Many a hard-earned career was eradicated by this ruthless, cold-hearted Republican.  He found success by sucking the life’s blood out of hundreds of honest, hard-working New Englanders.  I say we deport the little vermin to Japan where he can frolic with his bait-eating chums and gaze out at their sparkling whale-free seas.  First New Hampshire gave us the worst President ever, Franklin Pierce.  Now it harbors this limp-dicked tick in palatial splendor.  Mary can have him!

Limped-Dicked Tick

That is all

Doogie
Hog Rock Staff Writer