Mayhem At the Editor's Desk

Outraged Dick

Dear Webmaster Zip:

I recently submitted a piece to the Hog Rock titled "Danny We Hardly Missed Ye" which was published with the Banner Headline "Doogie Stay Away". I am not sure what fucking 8th grader came up with that banner, nor what trained chimp was allowed to edit the article that was submitted.

             
Fucking 8th Grader                Trained Chimp     

Suffice it to say that mayhem and anarchy appear to have now infested the Hog Rock editing room.

Hog Rock Editing Room

It appears the editorial staff has embarked upon a course of conduct that put them in direct conflict with our top quality, and I should add, poorly paid contributing staff. To say I'm outraged is an understatement. The original article which, in this writers humble opinion, flowed like Virgin Honey ended up looking more like the contents of a Honey Pot after the ham-handed editing job that took place.

             
       Dick's Original Article                        Macos' Edited Article

The Rape of the Sabine Women holds nothing to what was visited upon my near-perfect literary tour de force.

Raping of Dick's Article

I feel more violated than a Boston alter boy at a Parish Priest convention.

   
    Boston Altar Boy                          Parish Priest Convention                  

There was absolutely nothing in the original article about Doogie giving or getting head, there were no references to the Rolling Stones or any other over-the-hill rock bands for that matter, and yet somehow such reference were inexplicably inserted and passed off as my workmanship.

Not Part of Original Article

I'm sure that our readership agree that I have always tried to rise above the din that Doogie and Macos spew forth.

Doogie & Macos Spewing

My timely articles have always sought to provide thoughtful, sometimes factual observations of topics of great social importance from rampant assholism to golf score shenanigans.

                               
 Asshollicly Challenged                     Scoring Shenanigans

I am also sure that having someone who has the capacity to deliver reportage both evenhandedly and with style is what keeps at least two of our regular readers coming back for more.

Only Two Regular Readers

I will be the first to agree that Zip's photo enhancements provide great clarity to the many brains out there fried by one too many visits to the Jail House, or one too many visits to oil central.

   
Jail House                                                               Oil Central                                            

Nor will I argue that on rare occasions spelling or typographical errors do occur and need to be caught since that might otherwise spoil the rich flow of so much important reportage. However, aside from this level of editing, this is one reporter who will not tolerate the wholesale destruction of his craftsmanship.

Master Craftsman

I appeal to each and every reader of my articles and I realize now there are literally ten to possibly twenty of you out there, please join with me to protest the snipping clipping and wanton insertion that lead not to a better press, but to the hellish gulag that was once the purview of Pravda.

Hellish Gulag of Pravda

Sincerely,


Reporter At Large
Dick