Macos Discovers Oil in Philly

    By Doogie
Hog Rock Featured Columnist

Feb. 15, 2004

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The perpetrator of the Ogantz conflagration, David “Cracos” McFarland, has landed in South Philadelphia.

Cracos

Shaken and a bit ruffled, McFarland was unhurt and unrepentant. “I might put the emergency brake on next time but I ain’t givin up the pipe," stated the PECO wacko. Rescue workers said that the trees he alit in saved his life. His two homeless companions were not so lucky as they were flattened when they landed on the artificial turf of Veterans Stadium. We will be lucky if we get them peeled off before we implode the place, stated head grounds keeper, Mike DiMuzio.

Cracos Companions Cracked By Vet Turf

Hidden microphones in Mayor Street’s office revealed an outraged chief executive. “The Whites even get the best landing places, this is rank discrimination," stated Street.

Demands Better Landing Rights

Local Police chief, William “Willy” Fisterbottom, stated that no charges were pending on McFarland. “You charge him for the takeoff, not the landing” stated Fisterbottom.

Chief Fisterbottom

Washington put a much brighter spin on the explosion. A spokesman for the Bush administration, George W. Bush, was ecstatic over the discovery of oil in downtown Philadelphia. "We sure as shootin don’t need to talk about alternate forms of energy when we got a bleepin Persian Gulf right up there in Philly", stated the President.  "We may displace some homeless fellers but there are a lot more of them than reindeer.” Federal petroleum experts were immediately dispatched to Watts, Harlem and Comiskey Park.

Proposes Immediate Drilling of the Ghettos