Master Belt Maker
Let
me go on record as saying that I embrace the peace process that Webmeister Zip
has tried to establish in his eloquent, but fatally flawed, webitorial.
I too am a man of Love, Peace and Happiness and have always
been the first to hold out an olive branch when conflict erupts.
There is far too much cynicism and back stabbing in this world, and I for
one will not be party to it. Life
is too short to be carrying the hatred and violence that seems to permeate the
world today. Let me be the first to say that I am prepared to turn the
other cheek, in lieu of the injustice that has been done to me.
But before I turn that cheek, I feel I must correct some inaccuracies in
last month’s webitorial.
Zip,
you gargantuan, dingleberry-brained slut!!
What kind of farce is this webitorial bullshit that you have published.
Will someone please explain to me how such a fine craftsman, as myself,
can be condemned to abandoning his stock in trade of Belt Making after being
victimized by such ruthless vermin as Jammer and his henchman F. Lee Saltzman.
This can only occur in a society that embraces Belt Thieves and the fetid
filth with who they associate.
Dingleberries
for Brains?
Forget
my years of toiling as a Belt Maker Apprentice in the bowels of a sweatshop not
seeing the light of day for 20 years. Surely
you can recall that it was only two years ago that this job finally moved up
from the bottom position of The New York Times “Worst Jobs List” when AIDS
Infected Crack Whore Apprentice nudged it out.
All those years honing my trade before finally achieving the title of
Master Belt Maker. Always preparing
the finest quality Belts the world has ever known.
It was no surprise to me when a syndicate of museums approached me to
release my Belts as part of a worldwide tour which included a showing of Faberge
Eggs and Dutch Master’s Paintings.
Touring
Together in Museums?
Now,
you have the unmitigated gall to throw away what will be one of the most
treasured artifacts civilized society has ever known and which future
generations will stand in line for days to see!! Why not throw out all of Rembrandt’s works along with the
Millennium Edition of The Belt? The
Taj Mahal? Let’s raze it and put
up a Taco Bell in its place! It is
obvious that your brain is constipated and you should seek medical assistance
from that Quack you call a brother!
Throw it out?
Replace this?
With this? Quack?
I
would sooner poke out my own eyes than give in to scum like Jammer and F. Lee.
It is curious that this slime continues to pronounce his innocence and
mocks the world with his Belt Thief’s Open Celebrity Golf Tournament.
Like peas in a pod, the only ones who would participate in this golfing
farce where Jammer, F. Lee, O.J., and Johnnie Cochran.
Skunks like that deserve each other.
I heard they spent the whole round yucking at the judicial system that
allowed one to commit murder and the other grand larceny.
Fellow Skunks at the Belt Thief's Open
Let
me put both Jammer & F. Lee on notice that I am preparing my Appeal to the
Hog High Court. I look forward to
the day when they are both convicted for their obvious conspiracy and buried
alive together in the deepest hellhole the world can find for them where they
become the bitch sex slaves of their cellmate Bubba.
All
that being said, I would be willing to forget everything.
As I stated in the beginning, I am a man of Love, Peace and Happiness. I
would Love a Peace of those two fat asses swinging
from a tree with the Belts they stole around their necks as a noose. Once they rot and fall to the ground, I will gladly reclaim
my stolen property, let bygones be bygones and regain my Happiness!!
Humbly
Yours,