Dear Webmaster,

 

Though lucid and somewhat amusing, my recent Backdoor Bacchanal is subject to misinterpretation. The piece has generated some unintended chuckles, and worse, charges of homophobia from the likes of Janet Reno among others. Doogie, the only member of the Hogrock writing staff who is not a racist, reactionary, misogynous, bloated Dittohead, is no homophobe.

Racist Reactionary Misogynous Bloated Dittoheads

This is as inaccurate as a McNabb screen pass. To the contrary, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, transvestites, hairdressers, and priests should enjoy the same protection under the law as if they weren't deviant perverts.

If a women chooses to turn her nose up at "normal sex", more power to her. Even more power, if I can watch. Canyon yodelers such as Hillary Clinton, Judy Jetson (classic "lipstick lesbian") Rosie O'Donnell, The Virgin Mary (come on, give it up girl), Janet Reno, Ann B. Davis (noted Brady Buncher-Carpet Muncher), Aunt Bea Taylor, Bea Arthur, Barbara Walters, Miss Hathaway, Margaret Thatcher (eat that snatcher), Zelda Gillroy, Mother Theresa (Lapper of Leper Loins), all female golfers, and your daughter's gym teacher have all given invaluable service to this great country.

 

Canyon Yodelers

If a man is loco for the cocoa, that is his business. Areno, Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Curly Howard, Bert and Ernie, Jim Nabors, Gilligan (loved the Skipper's zipper), Clay Aiken To Be Taken, your son's Boy Scout leader, Mike Piazza, McHale's Navy, Elmer Fudd, Scott Swollen-Colon Rolen, Mr. Rodgers, Mr. Brady (of Bunch fame, not the gunshot-in-the-head pussy), Mr. Ed (I give horsehead), Superman (only a bone-smuggler wears that outfit), 60% of the Catholic clergy (confess this Father Fudge), and now it seems most golfers in South Carolina with big asses, are gay and proud of it.

 
Loco For The Cocoa

That is their business. I merely council caution, I am no homophobe. Have fun, use lubricant and be sure to swab off on the curtains.

 

 

That is all

Doogie