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In my capacity as chief medical correspondent for Hogrock Cafe, I have been asked to analyze the condition, "Hoggeritis. Is this a real entity or another Macosian scam. My conclusion after an exhaustive review of the literature is that Hoggeritis is another example of the "Diseasing of America". We deflect responsibility by claiming our weaknesses are bona fide medical conditions for which we can not be held responsible. Alcoholics have a disease and are helpless to resist ethanol. Poppycock, I say, put down the bottle you lush and get a job. If George can quit anyone can.

If George Can Quit, Anyone Can

They would have us believe that excessive gamblers are helpless victims. Ludicrous, I say. Put them in jail where I will make a bet that they will be cornholed by malodorous Negroes. These Republicans would have us believe that abusive womanizers suffer from sexual addiction. These poor unfortunates crave sex 24 hours a day. You mean to tell me some people don't? Such pathologic behavior could lead to the oval office.

The point being that these are all scams that allow these malingerers to duck responsibility, collect public assistance and write self-help books with clever titles. They also trivialize the sufferings of real people with real diseases. The cancer caused by PECO pollution is a real disease. These tumors are the direct responsibility of Macos and his ilk. The heart disease caused by Areno's lard laden lunches that he peddles from his gay deli has real victims, not worthless slackers. Some have even said his secret sauce is rife with testicular tadpoles.

Secret Sauce Rife with Testicular Tadpoles?

Hoggeritis is no disease but the inevitable result of day after day filled with nothing save hash oil, kamikazes, and Quaaludes at a mediocre university in a polluted city.

The question we need to ask is not why are the hogs worthless, but rather how they can function even at this minimal level. We need not ask why their progeny are unable to walk erect, or do not possess opposable thumbs. No wonder they must ride the small school bus and wear hockey equipment yet not be on the team. To quote the great liberal Malcolm X, the chickens have come home to roost.  

Great Liberal Chicken Rooster

That is all

Doogie