Exclusive Hog Rock Interview
Hillary's Lament
By Doogie
 

Hillary Clinton

Feb. 1, 2005
 

BUFFALO, NY -- I have endured much over the years in my marriage to Wild Bill. Through it all I have never passed out until this week, until Doogie. Allow me to explain.

 

When Bill dipped his Little Cock all over Little Rock, I remained standing.

 

Dipped in Little Rock

 

When he dallied with Aardvark-face Paula Jones, I remained standing.

 

Aardvark Face
 

When I walked into the Oval Office and saw that chubby Jew bobbing for my hubby’s goo, I remained standing.

 

Bobbing for Goo

 

It's true that Bill wasn’t the only president to dally while in office. Harding was a hound, Kennedy was hornier than a three-balled tomcat, and more than one lovely parted Reagan's zipper to service the "Litttle Gipper". What really hurt was that Monica was so freaking ugly.

 

Dallying Presidents

 

When he pardoned every Nazi, child molester, embezzler, arsonist, and Macos after he left office, I remained standing.

 

Pardoned By Bill

 

When he moved the three of us to the ghetto so he could nail some Brown Sugar, I remained standing.

 

But when I saw Doogie's latest inflammatory, yet somehow gut-busting piece in Hog Rock, down I went.

 

Sent Hilary Down

 

My senatorial sacks, lampooned for all to see! There was a day when that asshole, Bill, drooled over Rodham’s Rack.

 

Rodham's Rack

 

They ain’t what they was but they sure beat the shit out of Terry Kerry’s Dairies.

 

Terry Kerry's Dairies

 

My lesbian-just-friends sure are fond of them. The only friend we have with bigger cans then me is Michael Moore.

 

Bigger Cans Than Hillary

 

What made me swoon, however, was when I read that Bill was key holing his own daughter.

 

Key Holed By Father?

 

I went down faster than Hugh Grant’s date. This is the last straw. Actually the last straw will be when he is no longer any use in my quest to become the first woman president since Buchanan.

 

Last Woman President

 

Yours truly,

 

Hillary Rodham Clinton

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