George & Jesus

George & Jesus

It is well documented that our President has regular discussions with one Jesus Christ. Hog Rock Reporter Doogie now documents one such Oval Office encounter.

George: Jesus are you there?

Jesus: It seems like I am always here, George, you never stop bugging me. Now what is it this time? I am a busy man. Thursday is my “act in mysterious ways” day. I am my own boss, I can freelance, mess with the Mormons, that sort of thing. You take up more time that that Kathie Lee Gifford. - always with the Cody and the Cassidy and Frank’s backdoor whore.

Frank's Backdoor Whore

That voice could cut diamonds. If she keeps up with the sweatshops she may end up with the man down below. It's hotter down there than a defrocked priest at a boy's swim party.

Voice Cuts Diamonds

George: I won’t keep you. I wanted to thank you for dying for our sins.

Jesus: That was no big deal. I am the Son of God. It's not like I didn’t know I was coming back, I mean dah!

George: I guess, but the crucifixion must have been unpleasant at best.

Jesus: Na, again no biggie. I got the weekend off and got to sleep in Monday. I was a tad sore, however, as I had more holes in me than the senior class picture at Columbine. It makes walking on water a bitch to this day.

Walking On Water Still a Bitch

George: But the pain, the pain!

Jesus: Na, I had a kidney stone once in Bethlehem that was much worse. At least the crucifixion didn’t hurt my testicles.

Testicles Unharmed

George: You have testicles?

Jesus: Of course you dolt! I am the SON of God, not the daughter. You think it doesn't take testicles to sell transubstantiation, that Immaculate Conception crap, and that Holy Ghost thing?

George: I have to ask about Mary Magdalene. Are the rumors true that you gave her the God Sauce?

Gave Mary the God Sauce?

Jesus: Yep, don’t you worry. I took care of the Little Messiah on occasion.

George: I bet you are hung like a God.

Jesus: Not because I am a God, you tool, but because I am black. I am from Nazareth; did you think I was Swedish?

George: I guess our brother Ronald Reagan is with you now.

Jesus: Yep, but to tell you the truth I don’t think he knows where he is. He just mutters Mommy and pees his diaper.

Still Lost?

George: I thought all suffering was gone in heaven.

Jesus: Within reason, George, I'm not a friggin' miracle worker. And another thing, you weenie, use the damn stem cells and that sort of thing won’t happen. Why would you throw them out with last night’s salad?

Salad Waste?

George: I am worried about Iraq, which you told me to invade.

Jesus: The hell I did! You asked me how to keep the world safe for your wife. I said, ”I made her rack”, not “invade Iraq”. Now I am in all sorts of hot water with Allah. I have to carry his beeper on weekends and holidays.

Made Her Rack

George: My Lord, can you understand the pressure I had on me having such a famous daddy?

Famous Daddy

Jesus: Georgie, Georgie, my Dad is a tad well known too.

George: That’s right, but my Granddaddy was Prescott Bush.

Famous Grand Daddy

Jesus: My grandfather was God Senior. He had a great career with the dinosaurs until he let that comet slip through. Eons of work down the tubes.

Doomed By Senior's Comet Slip

George: What about the election, do you like Kerry and Edwards?

Jesus: Kerry sure knows how to find those rich broads, but I really don’t know Edwards. We have no trial lawyers up here for a reference.

First Trial Lawyer in Heaven?

George: There are no trial lawyers in heaven?

Jesus: No, just a few paralegals to handle personal injury claims. Slips and falls at the Pearly Gates, that sort of thing.

George: Did my predecessor ever talk to you?

Jesus: Only when that fat ugly Lewinski broad came to visit. I would hear “Oh Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming”, but he never showed.

Came But Never Showed

George: Well, I'll let you go tend to the rest of your sheep.

Jesus: That’s big of you George, that's big of you. I am off like John the Baptist's head.

Off Like JTB's Head