Dear Webmeister:

I was sitting at home fondly remembering the 22nd Annual Hog's assault on Myrtle Beach when my back started aching and I remembered I needed to set the record straight on one subject.  As I recall, Doogie made some predictions regarding the demise of Booze from A.I.D.S. (Another Infected Dick Smoker.)  He predicted the whalish one would waste away into a skeleton. 

Whale to Skeleton?

Well, I am here to testify that nothing can be further from the truth and I have an aching back to prove it!  As Captain of the "Stretch Booze's Fat & Sassy Dick" championship metal Scramble team I was "Stretched" as far as ever has happened.  I had to carry the team on my back the entire day!  And I am here as living testimony that Booze not only didn't waste away as predicted by that charlatan Doogie, he has increased his girth.  You might call him a beached White Whale!

Beached White Whale

Oh my aching back!

Doogie claims to have had a world-class medical training starting on the streets of Newark.  Does that infer actually being on the street?  What kind of Doctor is he anyway?  Maybe a Witch Doctor!  Did anyone see him in the woods last Monday as we played "The Witch"?  Was he trying to place a spell on the 2002 Hog of the Year?

Witch Doctor

For further proof of Doogie's charlatan diagnostic capabilities, just look at the 2003 trip photos of Booze, The Whalish One. 

Diagnostic Proof That Doogie's A Charlatan

Stretch