Cowardice in Paradise
Webmaster
Macos crowing about
his war record in a recent Hog rock article/obscenity apparently did not sit
well with those who served with him. What follows is a letter to Doogie sent
by one PFC Heywood Eublowme, who served with Macos in Hawaii. The text is
printed without comment.
Heywood Eublowme
Dear Doogie. I am outraged by the rumors of glory involving David McFarland . Why compared to Macos, John Kerry was Sergeant fucking York.
Sergeant York
I was a member of Macos’ platoon in Hawaii during the Viet Nam war. We were charged with the harrowing task of guarding the pineapple crop on the Big Island. Macos was more into heroin than military matters. Smackos contributed next to nothing to the security or morale of the platoon.
Smackos
He spent his days high on drugs and guzzling beer. Sixpackos was universally disliked and mistrusted by the men and officers alike. He wouldn’t even join us when we went to see the Hilo whores for a quick Zip and Sip.
Sixpackos
Then came the day that defines all soldiers. We were on pineapple duty at Kennea Beach. Macos had the point - the hammock nearest the surf. It was Hawaiian hell. The wind blew gently, the sun was warmer than Jim McGreevey in a room full of Cub scouts, and our mouths were dryer than a lesbian’s panties at a Chippendale review.
Warm and Dry Mouthed
Without warning they were in the perimeter, on us like Kirstie Alley on a piece of cake.
Kirstie Alley on a Piece of Cake
Yes the scourge of the Hawaiian war, angry bees! The screams, the hives, the allergic reactions, the horror. We acted like a team, slapping away at each other’s agony. It was the first real SWAT team in action. All except Macos, who ran for the water like a scalded dog. FallBackos frolicked in the ocean while we suffered like men.
FallBackos
The medics worked frantically to reduce the itching and Macos returned from his dip without a sting. He was more waterlogged than Laci Peterson, but otherwise unharmed.
Waterlogged
This is no war hero as many others who served with him will attest. For more tales of the conduct of this perfidious coward, please visit our Website at:
Sincerely
Heywood Eublowme
Retired U.S.N.